Flannel Covidtime Diaries: Lent Day 5, Running A Marathon
Lent Day 5 | Covidtime Log Day 02222021
I have been around the block a few times. In dating and in life in general.
When I was 33 I had trained to run a marathon. I look at a lot of things I take on in my life as a metaphor. Life isn't a sprint but a marathon and most people if you are physically able can run a marathon. I ran track in high school, but I hated running so I stuck to the high jump (I'm 5'4") and threw shotput and discus (I coulda went to state). Yes, I did. I've played sports my whole life, but running is the worst exercise a person can inflict on themselves. I also have depression, I've managed it my whole life, I also have anxiety and it's expressed through my OCD. Let's just put it all out there. Once I focus on a task I have to follow it through even to my own detriment.
You can run a marathon if you are physically able what stops most people is, "what normal human being would do that to themselves?" Plus, it's all mental. I think it was a four month program, where we started with a mile and then finished by running 25 miles. They said if you can run 25 you can run 26.2 miles. I got to a point where I would run 10 to 18 miles on the weekend and run 3 mile maintenance runs during the week. Runners know what a significant amount of time goes into running and training to run in half or full marathon. It's a huge commitment of time and effort. People who run truly love running. I personally would not wish marathon training on my worse enemy. I did it because it helped me to focus on something other than my depression and it forced me to get out of bed at 7am in the morning to go running. When I plan to do something it's always gonna be extra. I wasn't going to run any old marathon, I ran in the 27th Florence Marathon in Italy. And, I did complete it.
I don't run anymore because of my back injury, so now I play golf. But, I put in just as much effort and focus into golf as I do anything in my life. Why did I tell you all of this? The brain is amazing. It is possible to rewire your brain to relearn new things but it also replays old recordings and old memories. As if it just happened even though it might have happened 20 years ago. Sometimes, we respond to what is happening to us today because of what happened to us 20 years ago.
Don't make new people in your life pay for the hurt and harm that people in the past inflicted on you. We bring old baggage into new relationships and automatically project all our fear on the new person. Thinking they are going to hurt us the same way we were hurt in the past. If we learn from our mistakes that we made in past relationships we will not bring them into the new one. We will not make the same mistakes but just different ones. We will see the red flags, and choose different people. We will choose ourselves instead of sacrificing ourselves to keep the peace. We will not dull our shine so someone else can feel good about themselves. We will walk away if we do see our partner being shady or sneaky or abusive. But, before all of that, give the person a chance. Let them make their own mistakes and not carry the burden of your past heartbreaks. If we do that they will always fail. But, you gotta first give yourself and them a fighting chance.
Be good. Take care. Be well.
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