Flannel Covidtime Diaries: 01.27.2021
#Covidtime Log Day: 01272021
I'm friends with a group of women from the Bay Area (mostly queer women) that I've known since I was 25. I had been in contact with only a few of them over the years. Time, distance, and breakups usually cause friendships to slowly slip away. My friend Chicken (Cris Wentz) suddenly passed away last October, and a group of 10-12 of us were thrown back together in a group chat. It was organized so we could share our thoughts and memories of a person we were all connected to in some way or another in life; and had inadvertently reconnected us in their death. The reason we all became friends 20 years ago was mainly because of Chicken.
I would imagine 2020 wasn't an easy year for many people. But, I can say that my 2020 was pretty torturous.
It's hard to even wrap my mind around the amount of change, grief, and brokenness I've endured in 2020. One starts to wonder if the Universe hates them. Supposedly if you're a spiritual person that the Universe dislikes a void and usually will fill it up with something. I guess, the upside to all the loss is the gains. The pandemic has given me an opportunity to strengthen my relationship with my family. To be more intentional with how I try to connect with my current friends. And, I've also rebuilt old connections with people who I didn't even know I needed in my life. There is something comforting in reminiscing with old friends about fun adventures, immature mistakes, and wacky events of the past when our present reality seems so unsure and scary.
I'm not going to sugar coat anything. This past year has been one flaming turd after another, but it wasn't all terrible. There is so much growth that can happen inside of oneself if we are open to letting go of the outcomes. Something that I started saying in 2020 was, "Embrace the suck." I didn't really know what else to do. Living through a global pandemic has slapped reality across my face. I realize how much control we don't have. The only thing that I've been able to do, that has helped get me through all of this, is give it up to the Universe. Get a good nights sleep and drink lots of water. Accept whatever happens and live my life the best I can every day. And, be grateful everyday that I'm healthy and alive.
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